I don’t really have a lot to say. Work is busy. Grad school is busy. Friends and family keep me preoccupied.
I don’t really have a lot to say.
It’s like emotional writer’s-block. My soul feels cluttered.
When I read the news I end up having nothing to say. Though I feel like screaming. And beating my chest and yelling until the human race comes to a screeching halt. Until the Earth stops spinning. Just for a moment, so I can smack everyone across the head with a rolling pin. Like a stereotype of an Italian matriarch. Knocking some sense into us all.
My soul is distressed.
I pray to God to deliver us all from this. To enlighten us suddenly so we can find a way to live together in peace. I pray for light to be shed into all the dark places in our lives.
But there’s no answer and the silence become uncomfortable.
I could almost become angry at God. And I certainly become frustrated with my faith. It all seems a little pointless to believe in something I can’t prove exists when that belief doesn’t even seem to lessen the suffering around me.
So I have to remind myself that faith without action is not really faith. That’s the tricky bit you see. I remind myself of one of my favorite quotes that I can’t be bothered to hunt down right now. Let me paraphrase:
Sometimes I want to demand of God why he allows all this pain and injustice in the world but I’m afraid God will ask me the same question.
I’m not sure how to answer God. Except to make sure I seize all the opportunities that come my way to help someone else. To show some love and kindness. Because I don’t like having a cluttered, distressed soul. And all that happens when I yell at God is that God yells back with deafening silence.