What Can “Thrift Shop” Teach Me about Self Esteem?

I wear your granddad’s clothes. I look incredible.

Why do I love the song Thrift Shop by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis so much? It’s silly, and while catchy, will probably grow annoying very soon. And yet, right now, I love it.

Music has always been an outlet. An expression of emotions. A catalyst for feelings. I can be really happy and Arms by Christina Perri will come on and suddenly I’m crying. Music has power for me.

However, not all songs have the same impact. Thrift Store is one of a few that sticks out currently. Why?

I guess what it boils down to is its self deprecating humour. It makes fun of its music genre, of those shopping at thrift stores, as well as those who only buy designer things. It makes fun of people for whom appearance is important, while joking about the artist’s own huge ego.

I like such self awareness in a person. I too like analyzing society and one’s own hang ups. The song does both. But unlike me, it does so without the artist putting himself down in the end. In fact, the artist describes himself as “incredible.”

How can I get that kind of an ego? Where I know my weaknesses, my eccentricities and accept them. Where I know society is judging me and I still embrace it. Is that something I can achieve or is it an inner attitude I have to born with?

 

 

Can I be what I want to be?
Or am I stuck with same old me?

The negatives outweigh the good
I like myself less than I should

And yet the good I won’t forget
Focus on that, and I’m all set

Feeling numb? Please feel free to borrow some of my emotions

I wonder what it’s like for people to only experience a few emotions at a time. I wonder what it’s like for people who can choose what emotion to pick.

I’m depressed all the time. And wildly happy too. I want to surround myself with people so I can party and drink and laugh. Yet I also want to be left alone for hours, to forget the big, bad world exists. I cry and laugh at the same time. I sink and float. I create stories in my head but end up writing nothing down. It’s exhausting and exhilarating.

I’m angry at God for making me so unbearable. So emotional, volatile, and difficult to live with. Yet, I’m happy and grateful to be alive. I don’t want to give myself, my life, up. I want to live a long time, singing God’s praises. Yet I’m afraid, because I’m so strange and difficult, that my life will prove to be a lonely one.

Isolation is the primary emotion in all this.

But all my friends say that they often feel the same way. In fact, it’s human to feel multiple emotions at once, and merely muddle through.

Mine is rawer than most, however. I have met a few individuals, not many, who are like me. No hardened callous between themselves and the world, their mind and their emotions. There is a consistent desire to jump out of one’s own skin.

How do I turn this curse into a gift? How do I not let it consume me, isolate me, or turn me into a narcissistic prick?

 

 

I came into this world screaming
I spend it clenching my fists
refusing to give in to the desire
to leave

I came into this world with love
Surrounded by my family
So much laughter, joy, and a mad desire
to live